Katie Valentine, Dated a very skilled narcissist
If you’ve made it clear to the narcissist that you are unwilling to tolerate their behavior any further, the discard is more likely to be permanent. If you’re no longer participating as a “supply”, the narcissist will see you as lacking purpose in their life. Sometimes, even if you stand your ground, the narcissist will hold out hope that you’ll cave to their demands, needs, manipulation, etc., and will hoover. However, the longer you demonstrate that you’re done accepting their hero/victim narrative at face value, and the longer you defend yourself, the more likely that the discard is permanent.
To add to this, if the narcissist has found a “new supply” who fulfills their ego-stroking needs, the likelihood of a discard being permanent increases. This is especially true in cases where the narcissist is more easily convincing another person to cater to their needs, rather than you. If you show signs of hesitancy to put up with their symptomatic behavior, which in their mind is the valid manifestation of legitimately unfair treatment, they will look elsewhere, because they can get their needs fulfilled more easily. An unsuspecting supply is easier to gain satisfaction from than an old supply who has caught onto the game and dares to question or challenge the status quo.
It’s hard to predict whether a discard is permanent, but these are signs to look out for, and the moral of the story is that whether or not a discard is permanent often depends at least partially on your actions. In my situation, I refused to let the narcissist back into my life until he apologized for all of the hurtful things he did to me. He didn’t believe that his cheating, deceit, and physical assault were unjustified. In his mind, he lied, cheated, and hit me because he “had no other choice” or was “pushed to that point”. Therefore, when I made his reentry into my life contingent upon apologizing directly for his abusive actions, and I refused to budge, the discard was rendered permanent. He’s probably not going to hoover, because he knows I’ll likely place the same demands upon him. If I hadn’t held him accountable for his actions, and had budged at his urging to let him slip out from underneath any responsibility, the discard wouldn’t have been permanent. I did myself a huge favor by taking the steps necessary to render the discard permanent.
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