This is exactly what it looked like.
Tuesday, April 30, 2019
Saturday, April 27, 2019
Friday, April 26, 2019
Thursday, April 25, 2019
Wednesday, April 24, 2019
I tried so hard to convince myself that what I had was real
There was always a nagging feeling in the pit of my stomach. I worked so hard to convince others and myself that what I had was a perfectly normal marriage. Far from it.
Tuesday, April 23, 2019
Monday, April 22, 2019
Run. Run fast and far. He will ruin your life like he ruined mine and many who came before...
Run. Run fast. He has Narcissistic Personality Disorder. Don't know what it is? Follow the posts here. He is the covert type which means he can appear normal in public, but in private - and the closer you are - he is a horrible mess. Verbal abuse - mostly passive-aggressive, condescending tones, contempt-filled glaring looks and he criticizes everything he once claimed to love about you. He will not ask you how you feel, he will tell you how you feel and when you protest his assumptions he will tell you that you just like to cause trouble and argue.
This man discarded me when I finally stood up for myself and asked him to stop hurting me. I was willing to put in the work because I loved him more than anything in this world. But what I didn't know then - what that he is not capable of forming deep loving bonds. He can love on the surface, but below that, he has an agenda. It does not matter who you are - he has an agenda. He may be looking for a new place to live, or a new state to move to - whatever it is, you will have something he needs. You are not being chosen because you are special. You are being chosen because he has a void to fill in his life. He lacks something that can only be supplied by having someone to project all his negative thoughts and emotions on to.
I held out for 8 painful years. I let him hurt me time and time again and each time I said, "that's ok" and I let it go. I did not hold him accountable. I let him get comfortable disrespecting me. Everything he is telling you about me and what happened in our marriage is a lie. The good news is he does not think he is lying. The bad news is NPD is a pathological condition for which there is NO CURE. NO PILL - the only thing that can change it is WAEL and he never will face this deep dark pain in himself. It will take you years to know and understand Wael the way I do. I know what I lived through - I was there. I know Wael better than he knows himself - I know his family, I know the company he works for - I know where the bodies are buried so to speak.
Trust me when I say, the man you see before you now - is not the man you will see if you enter into a relationship with him. Run. Run fast and far. He will ruin your life. He ruined mine.
This man discarded me when I finally stood up for myself and asked him to stop hurting me. I was willing to put in the work because I loved him more than anything in this world. But what I didn't know then - what that he is not capable of forming deep loving bonds. He can love on the surface, but below that, he has an agenda. It does not matter who you are - he has an agenda. He may be looking for a new place to live, or a new state to move to - whatever it is, you will have something he needs. You are not being chosen because you are special. You are being chosen because he has a void to fill in his life. He lacks something that can only be supplied by having someone to project all his negative thoughts and emotions on to.
I held out for 8 painful years. I let him hurt me time and time again and each time I said, "that's ok" and I let it go. I did not hold him accountable. I let him get comfortable disrespecting me. Everything he is telling you about me and what happened in our marriage is a lie. The good news is he does not think he is lying. The bad news is NPD is a pathological condition for which there is NO CURE. NO PILL - the only thing that can change it is WAEL and he never will face this deep dark pain in himself. It will take you years to know and understand Wael the way I do. I know what I lived through - I was there. I know Wael better than he knows himself - I know his family, I know the company he works for - I know where the bodies are buried so to speak.
Trust me when I say, the man you see before you now - is not the man you will see if you enter into a relationship with him. Run. Run fast and far. He will ruin your life. He ruined mine.
Once you ask for real change...
Once you call them out - they tell you that you are wanting your ass kissed.
Then they begin to treat you worse than they ever did before. This is called the devalue stage.
The discard comes after that. Usually, during the devalue stage they are out trying to find their new supply.
Sunday, April 21, 2019
Saturday, April 20, 2019
Friday, April 19, 2019
I am the one he doesn't want you to know about
I am the side of the story he is trying to silence.
I am the truth he doesn't want you to know.
I am the truth he doesn't want you to know.
Thursday, April 18, 2019
I will spend the rest of my life telling this story - I was there
The last thing I told Wael as he elbowed his way past me on October 21, 2016, was that I would spend the rest of my life telling this story. And I will.
I hate this man - that is true, but it wasn't always that way.
I once loved him more than life itself.
The hardest things for me to let go of was the fact that NONE of what I thought was real, was actually real.
Finding myself with PTSD after I was discarded by Wael I began to research and finally, after 8 years of marriage to Wael, I had a name for the disorder he has: Narcissistic Personality Disorder (Covert type).
It was like all the pieces of the puzzle finally fit together.
Everything I had lived through finally made sense.
The verbal abuse, the constant harassment of myself and my life, the idealization all the way right up to the final discard. It suddenly made sense in the way he behaved at work and with his friends and coworkers. At the time Wael left me I didn't know why. I only knew that I was living with someone who coldly and suddenly turned on me for no apparent reason. I was never allowed to feel anything with Wael. I was told how to feel and it all had to fit in with what he wanted. When he did something horrible in 2015 I was angry. When he came back into my life begging for forgiveness (yet again) the regret he expressed suddenly was suddenly and quickly replaced with my devaluation and discard because I was not supposed to be upset, angry, hurt... I was only supposed to blindly forgive him. All I asked for was real change. For once, in eight years, I stood firm in my commitment to get him to face his disorder head on and to eliminate and prevent future episodes of abuse. But the personality disordered individual cannot and will not face themselves or the truth. Wael rewrote history and only saw my reactions to his abuse, he never saw his abuse. Like a true narcissist, he filled his world with only those people who unconditionally agreed with what he was saying in order to reinforce the version of events he created.
I was once on that side of the bubble too. I heard all about the crazy exes in his life and how he lost everything because of them. I ate right out of his hand exactly how he was feeding me because I simply didn't have any reason NOT to believe what he was saying and I didn't have access to the people he was talking about so they could tell me their side of the story. I automatically believed him. No doubt you will do the same thing. Whoever you are - whatever your role in his life: coworker, friend, potential love interest... He will tell you that I am the crazy one, that I was the abusive one, that I am the one with the problem. He may tell you that I am a lovely person and he wishes me well but we were just not compatible... I can imagine all day the things he will say based on the things he said to me.
But what he won't tell you is the truth. He won't tell you the way he treated and spoke to me throughout the 8 years we were together. He won't tell you about the things that happened that had him in the psychiatrist's office, he won't tell you that he dumped me shortly after begging me to take him back after he ran away to live with my birth mother in Florida. He won't tell you about how hard I struggled with his psychotic outbursts on my own without being able to get him the proper help here in the US. He won't tell you how he turns the person who is closest to him in proximity into a virtual punching bag and projects all of his negative traits onto them. He won't tell you how he would try to shut me up every time I tried to talk, he won't tell you how he is so emotionally immature that he could not relate to things happening in our marriage that were normal.
He won't tell you all of that. He will only tell you that I was the one with the problem.
I know you will believe it. I did at first too when he told me similar stories about all the people in his past. But he keeps them away from you. And this is intentional. Because he knew that if I had ever picked up the phone when his ex Deanne had called, that she would give me an earful.
He keeps me away from all the new people in his life too. The several times I have been in CO, he refused to see me (even though I had not planned to see him). This man knows that eventually, you will find out who he is and what he does to people (uses people). He knows that it is only a matter of time before that special person in his life figures out who he really is. His goal - above everything else - is to delay that until he is ready to dump you - until he looks at you one day and says, "you have nothing to offer me", which really means "I don't need anything from you because I already took what I needed.
I'm sure Wael will tell you he didn't use me for purposes of obtaining his US citizenship. But what he won't tell you is that he actually told on himself when he first arrived here although I was too stupid in love with him to believe what I was hearing. He won't tell you that he told a mutual friend of ours that "he came to the US because he was worried about his future in Egypt after the revolution," never once saying that he came here to be reunited with his wife who he tried to dump at the airport the day she was leaving with her dogs.
Wael is a mess. I am sure he is trying very hard to portray this individual who has it all together. That's the idea. That's what he wants to world to see. A successful businessman. The life of the party. A fine upstanding guy who always has a kind word for everyone. Trust me, I saw that too. I saw that version too. It was one reason why people have a hard time when individuals with narcissistic personality disorder suddenly turn on them. Because we are always waiting for the great, wonderful person we knew them to be to return. We stay in the relationships waiting for them to come to their senses and get back to the "wonderful and loving" person we knew them to be in the beginning. But when you understand the phases and motives of the narcissistic individual, you will soon learn that it is like chasing a pot of gold at the end of a rainbow - there really isn't anything there. The "mask" the false persona is portrayed to the outside world. But what is going on inside of Wael - well you will see that if you get close enough. But he will never take responsibility or accountability for his actions. He will always blame someone else. He doesn't care how he left me. What I face today as a result. He is a user and a selfish piece of shit.
You may not believe me now. If someone had told me this in 2007 I would not have believed it either. In fact, I didn't even believe him the day he said, "don't marry me I will ruin your life."
I didn't listen. I wouldn't have listened. The closer you are in relationship - the smarter you are about his words and actions - the more likely you are to see under the mask.
Wael destroyed me. He destroyed my life. He destroyed everything about who I was.
I will not stop telling this story. I will not stop supporting it with evidence.
What you choose to do with that information is up to you, but he did it to me, he did it to others before me - he will do it to you, too.
I hate this man - that is true, but it wasn't always that way.
I once loved him more than life itself.
The hardest things for me to let go of was the fact that NONE of what I thought was real, was actually real.
Finding myself with PTSD after I was discarded by Wael I began to research and finally, after 8 years of marriage to Wael, I had a name for the disorder he has: Narcissistic Personality Disorder (Covert type).
It was like all the pieces of the puzzle finally fit together.
Everything I had lived through finally made sense.
The verbal abuse, the constant harassment of myself and my life, the idealization all the way right up to the final discard. It suddenly made sense in the way he behaved at work and with his friends and coworkers. At the time Wael left me I didn't know why. I only knew that I was living with someone who coldly and suddenly turned on me for no apparent reason. I was never allowed to feel anything with Wael. I was told how to feel and it all had to fit in with what he wanted. When he did something horrible in 2015 I was angry. When he came back into my life begging for forgiveness (yet again) the regret he expressed suddenly was suddenly and quickly replaced with my devaluation and discard because I was not supposed to be upset, angry, hurt... I was only supposed to blindly forgive him. All I asked for was real change. For once, in eight years, I stood firm in my commitment to get him to face his disorder head on and to eliminate and prevent future episodes of abuse. But the personality disordered individual cannot and will not face themselves or the truth. Wael rewrote history and only saw my reactions to his abuse, he never saw his abuse. Like a true narcissist, he filled his world with only those people who unconditionally agreed with what he was saying in order to reinforce the version of events he created.
I was once on that side of the bubble too. I heard all about the crazy exes in his life and how he lost everything because of them. I ate right out of his hand exactly how he was feeding me because I simply didn't have any reason NOT to believe what he was saying and I didn't have access to the people he was talking about so they could tell me their side of the story. I automatically believed him. No doubt you will do the same thing. Whoever you are - whatever your role in his life: coworker, friend, potential love interest... He will tell you that I am the crazy one, that I was the abusive one, that I am the one with the problem. He may tell you that I am a lovely person and he wishes me well but we were just not compatible... I can imagine all day the things he will say based on the things he said to me.
But what he won't tell you is the truth. He won't tell you the way he treated and spoke to me throughout the 8 years we were together. He won't tell you about the things that happened that had him in the psychiatrist's office, he won't tell you that he dumped me shortly after begging me to take him back after he ran away to live with my birth mother in Florida. He won't tell you about how hard I struggled with his psychotic outbursts on my own without being able to get him the proper help here in the US. He won't tell you how he turns the person who is closest to him in proximity into a virtual punching bag and projects all of his negative traits onto them. He won't tell you how he would try to shut me up every time I tried to talk, he won't tell you how he is so emotionally immature that he could not relate to things happening in our marriage that were normal.
He won't tell you all of that. He will only tell you that I was the one with the problem.
I know you will believe it. I did at first too when he told me similar stories about all the people in his past. But he keeps them away from you. And this is intentional. Because he knew that if I had ever picked up the phone when his ex Deanne had called, that she would give me an earful.
He keeps me away from all the new people in his life too. The several times I have been in CO, he refused to see me (even though I had not planned to see him). This man knows that eventually, you will find out who he is and what he does to people (uses people). He knows that it is only a matter of time before that special person in his life figures out who he really is. His goal - above everything else - is to delay that until he is ready to dump you - until he looks at you one day and says, "you have nothing to offer me", which really means "I don't need anything from you because I already took what I needed.
I'm sure Wael will tell you he didn't use me for purposes of obtaining his US citizenship. But what he won't tell you is that he actually told on himself when he first arrived here although I was too stupid in love with him to believe what I was hearing. He won't tell you that he told a mutual friend of ours that "he came to the US because he was worried about his future in Egypt after the revolution," never once saying that he came here to be reunited with his wife who he tried to dump at the airport the day she was leaving with her dogs.
Wael is a mess. I am sure he is trying very hard to portray this individual who has it all together. That's the idea. That's what he wants to world to see. A successful businessman. The life of the party. A fine upstanding guy who always has a kind word for everyone. Trust me, I saw that too. I saw that version too. It was one reason why people have a hard time when individuals with narcissistic personality disorder suddenly turn on them. Because we are always waiting for the great, wonderful person we knew them to be to return. We stay in the relationships waiting for them to come to their senses and get back to the "wonderful and loving" person we knew them to be in the beginning. But when you understand the phases and motives of the narcissistic individual, you will soon learn that it is like chasing a pot of gold at the end of a rainbow - there really isn't anything there. The "mask" the false persona is portrayed to the outside world. But what is going on inside of Wael - well you will see that if you get close enough. But he will never take responsibility or accountability for his actions. He will always blame someone else. He doesn't care how he left me. What I face today as a result. He is a user and a selfish piece of shit.
You may not believe me now. If someone had told me this in 2007 I would not have believed it either. In fact, I didn't even believe him the day he said, "don't marry me I will ruin your life."
I didn't listen. I wouldn't have listened. The closer you are in relationship - the smarter you are about his words and actions - the more likely you are to see under the mask.
Wael destroyed me. He destroyed my life. He destroyed everything about who I was.
I will not stop telling this story. I will not stop supporting it with evidence.
What you choose to do with that information is up to you, but he did it to me, he did it to others before me - he will do it to you, too.
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