I hate this man - that is true, but it wasn't always that way.
I once loved him more than life itself.
The hardest things for me to let go of was the fact that NONE of what I thought was real, was actually real.
Finding myself with PTSD after I was discarded by Wael I began to research and finally, after 8 years of marriage to Wael, I had a name for the disorder he has: Narcissistic Personality Disorder (Covert type).
It was like all the pieces of the puzzle finally fit together.
Everything I had lived through finally made sense.
The verbal abuse, the constant harassment of myself and my life, the idealization all the way right up to the final discard. It suddenly made sense in the way he behaved at work and with his friends and coworkers. At the time Wael left me I didn't know why. I only knew that I was living with someone who coldly and suddenly turned on me for no apparent reason. I was never allowed to feel anything with Wael. I was told how to feel and it all had to fit in with what he wanted. When he did something horrible in 2015 I was angry. When he came back into my life begging for forgiveness (yet again) the regret he expressed suddenly was suddenly and quickly replaced with my devaluation and discard because I was not supposed to be upset, angry, hurt... I was only supposed to blindly forgive him. All I asked for was real change. For once, in eight years, I stood firm in my commitment to get him to face his disorder head on and to eliminate and prevent future episodes of abuse. But the personality disordered individual cannot and will not face themselves or the truth. Wael rewrote history and only saw my reactions to his abuse, he never saw his abuse. Like a true narcissist, he filled his world with only those people who unconditionally agreed with what he was saying in order to reinforce the version of events he created.
I was once on that side of the bubble too. I heard all about the crazy exes in his life and how he lost everything because of them. I ate right out of his hand exactly how he was feeding me because I simply didn't have any reason NOT to believe what he was saying and I didn't have access to the people he was talking about so they could tell me their side of the story. I automatically believed him. No doubt you will do the same thing. Whoever you are - whatever your role in his life: coworker, friend, potential love interest... He will tell you that I am the crazy one, that I was the abusive one, that I am the one with the problem. He may tell you that I am a lovely person and he wishes me well but we were just not compatible... I can imagine all day the things he will say based on the things he said to me.
But what he won't tell you is the truth. He won't tell you the way he treated and spoke to me throughout the 8 years we were together. He won't tell you about the things that happened that had him in the psychiatrist's office, he won't tell you that he dumped me shortly after begging me to take him back after he ran away to live with my birth mother in Florida. He won't tell you about how hard I struggled with his psychotic outbursts on my own without being able to get him the proper help here in the US. He won't tell you how he turns the person who is closest to him in proximity into a virtual punching bag and projects all of his negative traits onto them. He won't tell you how he would try to shut me up every time I tried to talk, he won't tell you how he is so emotionally immature that he could not relate to things happening in our marriage that were normal.
He won't tell you all of that. He will only tell you that I was the one with the problem.
I know you will believe it. I did at first too when he told me similar stories about all the people in his past. But he keeps them away from you. And this is intentional. Because he knew that if I had ever picked up the phone when his ex Deanne had called, that she would give me an earful.
He keeps me away from all the new people in his life too. The several times I have been in CO, he refused to see me (even though I had not planned to see him). This man knows that eventually, you will find out who he is and what he does to people (uses people). He knows that it is only a matter of time before that special person in his life figures out who he really is. His goal - above everything else - is to delay that until he is ready to dump you - until he looks at you one day and says, "you have nothing to offer me", which really means "I don't need anything from you because I already took what I needed.
I'm sure Wael will tell you he didn't use me for purposes of obtaining his US citizenship. But what he won't tell you is that he actually told on himself when he first arrived here although I was too stupid in love with him to believe what I was hearing. He won't tell you that he told a mutual friend of ours that "he came to the US because he was worried about his future in Egypt after the revolution," never once saying that he came here to be reunited with his wife who he tried to dump at the airport the day she was leaving with her dogs.
Wael is a mess. I am sure he is trying very hard to portray this individual who has it all together. That's the idea. That's what he wants to world to see. A successful businessman. The life of the party. A fine upstanding guy who always has a kind word for everyone. Trust me, I saw that too. I saw that version too. It was one reason why people have a hard time when individuals with narcissistic personality disorder suddenly turn on them. Because we are always waiting for the great, wonderful person we knew them to be to return. We stay in the relationships waiting for them to come to their senses and get back to the "wonderful and loving" person we knew them to be in the beginning. But when you understand the phases and motives of the narcissistic individual, you will soon learn that it is like chasing a pot of gold at the end of a rainbow - there really isn't anything there. The "mask" the false persona is portrayed to the outside world. But what is going on inside of Wael - well you will see that if you get close enough. But he will never take responsibility or accountability for his actions. He will always blame someone else. He doesn't care how he left me. What I face today as a result. He is a user and a selfish piece of shit.
You may not believe me now. If someone had told me this in 2007 I would not have believed it either. In fact, I didn't even believe him the day he said, "don't marry me I will ruin your life."
I didn't listen. I wouldn't have listened. The closer you are in relationship - the smarter you are about his words and actions - the more likely you are to see under the mask.
Wael destroyed me. He destroyed my life. He destroyed everything about who I was.
I will not stop telling this story. I will not stop supporting it with evidence.
What you choose to do with that information is up to you, but he did it to me, he did it to others before me - he will do it to you, too.
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