How can narcissistic sociopaths live with themselves?
Dan Gordy, Involuntarily educated for years by a toxic mal NPD girl.
From what I have seen, they take steps to not live with the reality of what they do. Instead, they simply change the reality of whatever they did. That can mean they create a justification or rationalization for their action, or they may deny committing the action. What I am trying to say is they have learned to be able to believe anything, except the truth of what they did.
Among the strategies a narcissist employs is to use “friends” or sycophants to hear and then spread the narcissists lies. Narcissists tend to befriend people who are lonely, emotionally needy, not very intelligent, insecure or emotionally vulnerable. These are people that the narcissist can easily manipulate and easily control. Those that remain with the narcissist for any real length are those that the narcissist is able to control and has been trained to admire the narcissist. The narcissist controls those around them by various means. Among those means is the use of punishments - such as the silent treatment, or withholding of approval -to train “friends” to rarely disagree with or challenge the narcissist’s statements. The narcissist considers most people as disposable, and those that fail to march in line find themselves disposed of.
When the narcissist does a bad act that others may hear about, he or she will tell their friend or friends about what happened. Not what actually happened but a version that best serves the narcissist’s interests. Probably a version that features the narcissist in their favorite role as the victim. If not that, it will be some story that makes clear that the narcissist was not at fault.
One cannot remain a friend of the narcissist unless they do at least two basic things: 1. accept the narcissists lies and false statements as the truth, and 2. approvingly reflects the false image the narcissist presents back to the narcissist.
The lies, rationalizations and assorted BS the narcissist relies upon are validated when accepted and repeated by those around the narcissist. Others believe the made-up falsehoods are true, so although they begin as fictions made-up by the narcissist, the acceptance by others validates the fictions as being true and the narcissist then easily accepts the truth of their own lies. Given the opportunities, the narcissist therefore stacks the deck. They find and surround themselves with people who that tend to be unable, unwilling or lacking the fortitude to disagree with the narcissist or unwilling to pay the price for trying to correct the falsehoods. Someone else repeating or at least not disagreeing with the made up reality pushed by the narcissist, can be sufficient validation for the narcissist to accept his\her own lies as the actual truth.
This process is aided and enabled by the narcissists’absolute avoidance (whether due to refusal, fear, or inability) to engage in honest self- reflection. Try to get a narcissist to be honest and own up to the truth about any of the crap they have pulled and you will see. That conversation will never get off the ground- it’s like trying to convince a vampire to walk out into the sunlight. They do not go for that at all and will go to bizarre lengths to avoid such an exercise.
So the answer is that narcissists do not live with the truth of what they do. They change the truth so their actual behavior or actions simply did not occur. Their false truth is now The Truth.
This is a major reason why narcissists never change their bad behaviors. They do not learn from their mistakes because they do not make mistakes. They need not feel regret or remorse. As a result, they cannot ever move forward or grow.
Since they refuse to deal with the truths of their pasts, they instead choose to replace the truths with lies and justifications . They believe the bad behavior they indulge in never actually occurred or if it occurred it was fully justified. They choose to fully believe in the false reality they construct and the real truth simply ceases to exist. This is very tied in with their malevolent and constant smear campaigns. Smear campaigns serve as vehicles to disseminate their false realities and to transfer the narcissists shame and guilt on to their victims.
The narcissist will not long suffer the presence of “friends” who disagree with the narcissist’s claims, or question the truth of what the narcissist says. Failure to cooperate in the creation and acceptance of the narcissist’s fake reality results in the friend leaving due to recognizing that the narcissist is fundamentally dishonest and malevolent or the friend stays but learns through punishment to not disagree with the narcissist. If the friend continues to challenge the narcissist they are thrown under the bus and discarded.
Narcissists do not live with what they do. They will never think about the bad that they do, because they choose to believe their lies. They replace the actual truth with their own false truth, and they cleanse themselves by projecting their feelings of failure, guilt and shame upon others.
There is really something profoundly disturbing about people who place no value in truth, and habitually avoid honesty - even with themselves. They would rather let another person suffer then accept accountability for what they do. They can live with themselves because they are not impeded by ownership of any fixed moral boundaries or ethical concerns. They care only about their short term desires. They have passive\aggressive personalities which are cooked in a stew of extreme selfishness, fear of inadequacy, moral vacancy, fake emotions, immature emotional intelligence and a predatory and parasitic mindset. The narcissist uses these “attributes” which, along with a willingness to sacrifice or harm others allows them to continue on in their selfish, malevolent, and often meaningless existences.
Aside from all that they are often the kindest, most loyal and best kind of friend a person can be lucky enough to know.
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