The new website

As I mentioned some time back, I had planned to start a new website once I really started working on the book.

This website (Everything is Dusty) will remain as the resource for reposting informative articles I will use as research for my writing.  The new one is going to be more about sharing my actual experience and beginning to put the story together for the book. 

I am hoping to crowdfund some money to hire a professional editor because I am not a good writer (anymore). 

I spent Christmas day sitting alone eating ramen noodles and listening to hours of audio recordings that I made when I was attempting to document the abuse.  As I sat there and listened I found myself with tears streaming uncontrollably down my face as I relived the pain I felt hearing his hurtful words and they way he projected and deflected.  I realized a few things.

• I am not ok.  This wound is still raw.  I still have a heart full of love for a person who saw me as an object and never as a whole person.
• More than ever I want to get things down on paper - no so much because I think it will help anyone else but because of Wael's constant denial of the facts and his refusal to fix things, I really need to document the truth.  I am not writing a my story because I want to save other women from the same fate.  There is already more than enough articles and self help books out there.  I don't want to be an expert in covert narcissism and the methods of abuse.  I only want to share my very real and personal experience.  I want to be heard.  I want to be believed.  
• The only person I want to be heard by will never listen or hear me so nothing else matters to me.
• I still smell him and feel him when I close my eyes.  Sometimes when I have my eyes closed and I start to doze off I can't remember where I am.  I begin to have sensations of feeling that I am back in Cairo and back in 2008 - 2009 and I pray that when I open my eyes that is really where I am.
• This book is not going to be pretty and I will even share things about myself that will be deeply personal.  I don't care how people see me as a result.  I am honest.  
• I don't care if no one is listening - if I reach only one person that will be enough.

In addition to the new website, I have started a facebook page for the book project.  This will be a much better way to record videos and I can also do live broadcasts.

The new website is here: http://npdbpd.home.blog