I have always believed this is what he did to me and why - MR. BIG BOSS was his minion

Written by:
Christy Solamente, Writer, Mom and Spiritual Wanderer

source: https://www.quora.com/Why-does-a-narcissist-betray-you-in-a-way-that-they-know-you-would-never-take-them-back-Is-it-because-they-are-completely-done-with-you

From what I’ve observed, by the time they get to the discard phase, they’ve spent a considerable amount of time devaluing you behind your back, while pretending to still be in a relationship with you, to your face. It creates an odd dichotomy in their psyches, because they invest so much in the devaluation, they begin to believe their own lies about you.

And then they start to resent you, because you’re forcing them to be nice to your face, you’re forcing them to keep up this charade of a relationship, while the only people they can be “honest” around are the friends they’re devaluing you to, and your secret replacement.

It’s a type of projection, but it builds up a lot of resentment inside of them, and that resentment is aimed at you. They’ve already replaced you, but to make that replacement palatable to their circle, it’s got to stay a secret until after you’ve been thoroughly devalued and discarded. And that’s all your fault, because you won’t just vanish the way you’re supposed to.

While this is building, they’re plotting to betray you in the worst way possible, to hurt you as much as possible, because (first reason) that’s what you deserve, and that’s what will balance the scales, as far as they’re concerned. Because the need for devaluation, the time they had to spend in devaluation, the wearing of a mask around you so that you don’t catch on to the devaluation, these are all your fault, and the resentment that built up within them needs to be set right. And that’s only going to be set right by your emotional pain.

You are making them do this to you, you are making them live in a way that’s not true to themselves (which is them pretending to still be in a relationship with you), and that building resentment makes them want to hurt you. They’re going to enjoy every moment of the emotional pain they cause you, (although with some narcissists it also becomes physical). Because you deserve it for putting them through that.

The second reason, is that I think they know how addicted you’ve become to them and how successful the love-bombing phase was, and I think they want to make sure to get rid of you completely, cut all ties and make it so you never want to see them again, because at this point, they want you out of their lives completely, and out of the lives of their inner circle with your inconvenient truth, and they know they have to go all out to achieve that.

I’m not sure if they don’t know themselves enough to realize that they’ll be hoovering you later, that the discard is only temporary, so why the all-out push to utterly destroy you — or…if they are so confident in their power and personal magnetism, that they think all they need to do, if they decide they need you again for any reason, is put you back in the love-bombing stage for a few weeks, and you’re theirs again, hook, line and sinker.

But at the time of the discard, you’re a broken toy that they have no use for, and that they resented for breaking. If you magically fix yourself, they’ll want you again, and they’ll cross that bridge when, or if, they come to it. In the meantime, they’ve replaced you with a newer, shinier, better toy, so you just need to see yourself you to the rubbish bin, thank you.

But the all-out push to destroy you, to betray you in the worst way possible, is a survival tool for them. They need you to be destroyed enough to go away, rather than disturb the carefully created fiction they wove around you during the devaluation. And it’s a you-or-them, all-or-nothing proposition.

It’s a game they’re going to win by bringing a cannon to the discard, while you’re armed with a fly swatter. Because, to them, their reputation, their friends, their minions, their future happiness is all on the line, and the only way they can save themselves, and come out the hero, is by destroying you and making sure that you come out as the villain.