My truth is "inconvenient"

I am no longer trying to figure out what went wrong,
if I could have prevented things if I had just done this
or just done that...
I am no longer wondering why someone who loved me
on minute
could turn so cold and distant the next.
I know why.  
He has narcissistic personality disorder.
I am no longer believing he is, ever was or ever WILL BE
a NORMAL person or react to anything in the way a normal
person would.
I know that nothing about him is normal.
I spent 8 years fighting back against the abnormalities 
because I didn't know
and I didn't want to believe that this evil exists in the world.
Like many other victims I ponder the bigger picture of why
but why do so many have this
and why is it running through humanity unchecked.
Everything was a manipulation.
Everything was him believing his own reality 
and denying mine.
I am not writing to say
"hey look at me - I am a survivor of narcissistic abuse"
NO.
I am writing to say Look at the truth.  Look at what this looks
like from this inside.
It is a fucking disaster.
Look at how this damages, and kills silently
with most oblivious to the real cause.
No.  I am not a strong survivor.
I am suffering terribly.
But I hate this man.
I do not want this man in my life 
and moreover, I wish I could go back in time
and do it all over again because I would have
walked away.
No, I am not a strong survivor here to tell you beautiful
tales of forgiveness and to hell with the destruction.
No.
I am here to take my own accountability where he will not
give it.
He wanted me to just go away.  Just stay an occassional
phone call.
A Christmas card and happy birthday.
Because as he once did with me - he is spinning the lies
of his false reality to his new bubble of colleagues and friends.
I am an "inconvenient" truth.
A pin that can burst the bubble with those smart enough to see 
through the things that just don't make sense.
I am the truth.
The truth that will keep shouting from the rooftops
for me and for those also struggling to identify themselves in this process.
He tried to gaslight - I didn't fall for it - but I fought back with such a vigor for those occasional crumbs of logic that would fall from
his sick brain.
This is not a "how to get over the narcissist" program.
This is a what are we going to do about changing the patterns of
destruction narcissists leave in their wake.
I will speak about everything that happened - even things that will be painful for me.
If you have chosen to forgive your narcissist then I am happy for you - but
this is not the answer for everyone.
We do NOT have to forgive those who have done horrible things to us.
It will not set me free.
But I am no longer seeking accountability from him.
I am just taking it on my own.
And I'm taking it by telling my story in public.
Telling the truth.