Cleaning out the files I found this letter. I got this letter nearly 3 years ago but I never read it because of all the stress I was going through with Wael. This was a horrible time when he was refusing to talk to me and told me to get the fuck away from him every time I tried. I had been having horrible pains in my chest and breasts. Even now I still feel pain if I rest my arm on my side a certain way or if I sleep on my side. Wouldn't it be ironic, if yet another woman in Wael's wife was afflicted with this illness. There is something wrong. But according to this my dense breasts make it harder to detect. Although these days it will most likely be a heart attack because I have horrible chest pains that radiate through my arms and jaws. I just don't want it to happen while my dogs are still here. I have no family and I live alone. I don't work outside the home. My job will just mark me no-show and terminate my contract after one day's worth of missed classes. No one would notice I was missing for weeks or longer - months. I remember reading an article once about a dead body that was found in a house and it had been there for 5 years. At the time I thought to myself - thank God I have a husband and that will never happen to me. Now - it will happen to me. And it was Wael's biggest fear that he would die alone. Yet another of his projections on to me. There is no way in hell I can even think about having another relationship ever again. He really did ruin my life.
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