Narcissists don’t really love themselves. Actually, they’re driven by shame. It’s the idealized image of themselves, which they convince themselves they embody, that they admire. But deep down, narcissists feel the gap between the façade they show the world and their shame-based self. They work hard to avoid feeling that shame. To fill this gap narcissists use destructive defense mechanisms that destroy relationships and cause pain and damage to their loved ones.
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/toxic-relationships/201709/how-spot-narcissistic-abuse
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